


A House With Cold Walls

by crocodilepatronus



Category: DCU (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-28 00:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16712911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crocodilepatronus/pseuds/crocodilepatronus
Summary: "Loss does strange things to my family."





	A House With Cold Walls

**Author's Note:**

> warning: this fic shows Lionel Luthor as being physically abusive toward Lex and manipulative to Lillian, Lex, and Lena.

In Lena’s life she had had much opportunity to ponder what the meaning of family really was. Sometimes she’d felt that she had none. But that would have been a naïve assumption… maybe, even, an optimistic one.

 

She was a Luthor.

 

Being a Luthor meant living in a world of uncertainties and shades of grey. She was unsure if any of them had ever loved her. She was unsure if she had ever loved them. She was unsure if her father had been murdered. She was unsure if it mattered to her.

 

She had been a Luthor even before she was taken into that cold house with the stone walls that never seemed to retain heat. All her memories of feeling like a locked away princess in that castle and the ones that jumped most readily to her mind, foolishly, were of cold feet on hardwood floors, of silver doorknobs that felt like ice.

 

Coldest of all was Lillian’s attitude to her, especially in those first few years. She looked at her and could not cover up her repulsion to the little child who had invaded her home.

 

At first, Lena had thought she could at least feel the love of a father from Lionel. He was not always present- constantly working, constantly travelling. He came home for an occasional weekend, for holidays, or sometimes just late at night. Lillian would wait up for him in the study by the fire. Lena could still remember the sight of it- her “mother” in an elegant night gown and monogrammed robe pulled tight around her, the bones of her face shadowed by the flickering flames from the fireplace the only light in the house. And how many times she’d wanted nothing more than to sit by her and wait as well. But knew she would be pushed away and told to go to sleep.

 

When Lionel was in the house, Lena had at first felt a sense of relief. He didn’t look at her the way Lillian did. And he was affectionate with her. But the older she got, the more she realized that Luthors did not give love for free. And that like everyone else, she was a pawn in a larger game even when she’d been too young to realize.

 

Lionel showed her gentleness and care- but perhaps in excess. In truth, Lena looking back realized that he had been drawing battle lines in his family. He wanted to turn them all against each other. Lillian, Lex, and Lena.

 

Lena thought the only reason Lionel cared for her, was even amused by her, was because to him she was a souvenir of the life he spent away from his ‘real’ life- from one of his dalliances. Like a trinket you can pick up when you’re on vacation. You keep it on your office desk to remind you of that carefree week you spent in the Barbados. That’s what she was like.

 

He smiled at her, petted her hair, and when she’d been a child even let her sit on his lap. But she’d been of no more importance than a pet to him.

 

And that was perhaps what saved her from him. She wasn’t even worthy of his discipline. Not the same brand of discipline Lex was afforded.

 

Lena supposed it should have been obvious to her. There was always something violent about the way Lionel touched Lex, even in view of the public eye. If he said or did anything Lionel didn’t approve of, his father would grab him by the arm and Lena would see his knuckles go white from his grip, saw Lex’s wince. She’d once seen him drag Lex from a dinner party by the back of his neck, grabbing him and hauling him into another room so he could reprimand him privately.

 

And he was always correcting Lex’s posture- hated it when Lex slumped. Even if it was just around the mansion. He’d grab Lex underneath his chin and force his head up.

 

Lena supposed there were many things she’d been ignorant of as a child. It wasn’t that she wasn’t sensitive to them, more that her reality in that house had so little comforts that she clung to the secrets and lies that protected her from harsh truths.

 

She wanted to see Lillian as a villain. It was hard to see her as a victim. Even when she noticed how she wore makeup on her wrists to cover the bruises when Lionel visited for a weekend.

 

Lena had realized she was just one more cruelty that Lionel inflicted on his “real” family. She was a punishment and the niceties he showed her were done within Lillian and Lex’s view on purpose. To show he was capable of it- just not for them. That a bastard child could earn his love better. And when it had occurred to her, she hated herself more than she perhaps ever had before.

 

The older she got, the less she could look away.

 

The first time she actually saw Lionel hit Lex was when he was fourteen. Lex had always pushed the boundaries in the house, especially when he’d been young. He acted out just to provoke a reaction. Back then, Lena had never understood it. And it made her scared for him. That night he’d stolen the porsche for the first time. Gone joy riding. The whole family had stayed awake waiting for him to come back after Lionel had realized the car was gone. Lena hadn’t been able to place where her fear was from then. She pretended she was just scared that Lex would crash the car and not that she was scared of what would happen when he walked back through the door of the mansion.

 

If she closed her eyes she thought she could still conjure up the sound of Lionel’s fist connecting with the side of Lex’s face- bone against bone. How it had knocked the air out of her lungs to hear it, as if she’d been hit herself. It was when they’d been closest and it burned her to sit paralyzed as she watched Lex fall to the floor from the force of the blow.

 

Then Lionel had grabbed him by the collar of his sweater and dragged him across the floor to his study and the door slammed. That heavy sound, followed by the yelling, things breaking, sounds Lena had become accustomed to.

 

Lena remembered looking out of the corner of her eye at Lillian who had also been there in the hall. But she made no move to help Lex. She sighed and poured herself a glass of brandy. She had been on the receiving end of Lionel’s rage almost as often but didn’t seem to have much empathy for Lex when he was the one taking the punishment. One more way that Lionel had succeeded in dividing the family. Lex and Lillian had always been unusually close even for a mother and son, but when it came to their relationship with Lionel, Lillian offered Lex no support.

“He brings it on himself,” Lena had once heard Lillian say.

 

Lena’s real salvation in the household had always been Lex. He couldn’t offer her the love that a parent could but he was a companion, an ally, and often a protector. Lena didn’t think she’d have survived if Lex had not been her friend.

 

When Lionel had brought her to the house he had drawn battle lines in the family, yes, but Lex had foiled his plans by being kind to her. It would have been easy for him to hate her. And Lena thought Lex was not a naturally friendly person. But he approached her immediately as a friend. Even if it had been strategic, she could do nothing but appreciate it. Even if it at first he’d only done it to annoy his father. She liked to believe, even now, that in time it had turned to genuine affection.

 

When Lillian was kind to her, it had usually been through Lex’s insistence. She doted on Lex. He was probably the only person in the world capable of changing her mind to his whims.

 

Even when Lena had few friends at her private elementary and middle school (she was seen by her snobby trust fund peers as a mongrel and a target for their disdain) she had Lex who was a more worthy equal to her anyway. She had never had friends before who not only didn’t shun her ‘bookish’ academic and scientific interests but could be an intellectual match for her. It was exciting and Lena still looked back on those young years when they’d lived under the same roof as some of the most inventive and stimulating of her life. Lex was a genius too. They had private conversations and understandings between them that none of their friends nor their parents could ever understand. Like they spoke a different language that was all their own.

 

And while Lena was scared to break rules at that age, Lex was mischevious and loved to cause trouble for their shared amusement. He had a wicked sense of humor too. Lena sometimes feared the influence he’d had on her. Wondered if there would ever be a way to extracate him from her life or if her identity was all tied up in him.

 

She thought her life was over when Lex had to go away to boarding school. Nine months out of the year of loneliness. An empty, cold, house, with just her and Lillian. She’d begged him not to go but it hadn’t been his decision. He’d gotten in enough trouble already in middle school.

 

They already began to grow apart then. Lex was busy with his own struggles. When he came home, he got along worse with Lionel than ever. He fought back harder and couldn’t be suppressed as easily as he wasn’t a child anymore. He got kicked out of several boarding schools during his high school years. It made Lionel furious to have to come home after receiving phone calls about Lex’s behavior. Lillian and Lionel fought about it frequently.

 

When she’d been a child, Lena had thought Lex was the one being foolish for acting out against Lionel even though he knew he’d just get punished for it. When she became a teenager she realized that Lionel was the one who was foolish- the more he punished Lex, it only taught Lex what he could survive. It only made him immune to discipline.

By the time Lex was sixteen he was a lanky, pale, teenager with a wicked smirk who seemed afraid of nothing. He talked back to his teachers, he picked fights with boys much bigger than him, stole shamelessly, flaunted his disrespect of the school, and once even blackmailed a principal (a story so audacious that Lena had been brought to tears laughing about it as Lex retold it in her bedroom, sitting at the end of her bed at 3 A.M. over Christmas holidays).

 

When Lena turned fourteen she was sent away to boarding school but not Lex’s (or whatever one he was in temporarily until he was expelled)- an all girls Catholic school. Complete with itchy plaid skirts. It would’ve been impossible to meet Lex’s standards for teenage rebellion but that didn’t mean Lena didn’t give it a go. She was sick of being well behaved, stepping on eggshells around the house. Even the strict environment of the school felt like a relief to her- someplace where she didn’t feel Lillian’s ever watchful eye on her every move. She exchanged lipstick stained cigarettes with girls in the bathroom with the windows wide open so the fire alarm wouldn’t go off. She became adept at hacking the school’s computer systems for information, sometimes even to change her friends’ test scores. Her own grades flourished and she was at the top of the class. Lex was proud of her- his grades always remained high as well regardless of how much delinquent behavior he got into. Catholic boarding school was where Lena had her first kiss. With a field hockey player. Her knees had been skinned up and scabbed- Lena’s fingers had trailed on them as they made their way up her thigh, to the hem of her skirt.

 

When she got home from school she didn’t share much with Lex. It wasn’t that she was afraid he wouldn’t approve, she just wanted to keep her life at school to herself. Her own private world that the rest of the Luthor family couldn’t have access to.

 

Lex on the other hand always had stories to share with her at that age. But his disagreements with Lionel were becoming increasingly violent. They could hardly be in the same room with each other. Then in the spring of Lena’s sophomore year of high school, Lex ran away from school with cash he’d been accumulating through private stock investments and a small cocaine running business within his London boarding school. Lena wouldn’t have known about it except that Lillian had called her at 4 A.M., it was one of the only times Lena remembered hearing worry in her voice. Asked her if Lex had come to her school, if he’d called her. He hadn’t and Lena felt somewhat betrayed by that. She wasn’t sure how they eventually found him, she doubted the police would have been involved but Lionel and Lillian had enough people on their payroll whose expertise was finding people who didn’t want to be found that she was sure even the wiliest of teenagers couldn’t escape their grasp for long.

 

For a while she heard nothing of the incident and heard nothing from Lex which scared her as they usually exchanged letters even if it wasn’t on a regular schedule. When she came back to the Luthor mansion for summer break, Lex wasn’t there for the first two weeks. When she hesitantly asked about him Lillian replied noncomittally that he was “away for a while.” At the time she’d hoped that meant that he’d escaped their clutches. She imagined him somewhere on a beach, smirk of triumph in place.

 

On her third week home she was awoken in the night by the sound of the front door slamming shut. When she paused at the top of the staircase she saw that it was Lionel and that Lex was with him. He was paler than she’d ever seen him, his face drawn and dark circles under his eyes. He looked small in the overcoat that was slung over his shoulders- he’d always been thin but he’d lost what little weight he’d had on him last time she’d seen him, he looked… fragile. And his head was shaved.

 

He heard the creak of hardwood that always betrayed her on the second step of the staircase and looked up, offering a weak smile. “Hey, Ace.” he said quietly. Lionel looked somber. His hand was around Lex’s shoulders which already should have been a sign to Lena that something was terribly wrong. And when Lex let him guide him toward the study, where Lena guessed Lillian was waiting for them. She didn’t follow. She went back up to her room and waited, sitting upright in her bed in the dark, for Lex to sneak in and tell her what had happened as he usually did. But he never came.

 

The next morning he was already at the breakfast table when Lena came down so she didn’t have an opportunity to talk to him alone. He was sitting on Lionel’s left side, utterly subdued, staring blankly at a plate of toast.

 

It took days before Lena managed to talk to Lex. And found out that Lionel and Lillian had institutionalized him in a psychiatric facility after they’d found him in Rome.

 

He spent another week in the mansion, avoiding eye contact and private conversations with Lena, picking at his food and acquiescing to Lionel’s whims with uncharacteristic submission. Then he was sent to Paris to make up school credits he’d missed while he’d been away. Lena didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to him. After that Lex graduated without any more expulsions.

 

As Lena was entering her senior year of high school, Lex was taken on by Lionel at LuthorCorp. And they drifted apart farther. When Lex came home he spent most of his time engaged in business related conversations with Lionel. The two still fought but Lex was more ‘manageable’ and the fights usually related to differing corporate strategies rather than personal matters.

 

Lena remembered being in the limousine with Lionel and Lex while they bickered.

“Don’t give the press any negative reaction from us about CelCo. Let DuneCorp collapse around us but I want LuthorCorp to appear too strong for a takeover, in case someone else has the same idea.” Lionel advised Lex.

 

“This isn’t the time to play the good guy- we can kill CelCo with this-” Lex snapped back, incredulous.

 

“We’d just be stepping on empty shells,” Lionel argued, waving his hand.

 

And then Lena spoke up, “CelCo bought up a lot of LuthorCorp stock for the takeover they planned, didn’t they? You can make a deal for it before they go under.”

 

Lionel and Lex both paused, staring at Lena incredulously as if she had just grown a second head. And then the dumfounded looks turned into twin disapproval.

 

And Lex as if without thinking bit out “What would _you_ know about it?”

 

It stung, Lena had to admit. Her mouth snapped shut and she sank back into the cushion of the limousine seat.

 

Lionel put his hand placatingly on Lex’s arm. “Now, Lex. Your sister is a Luthor. You can’t forget that.” He chuckled with amusement.

 

It had been the wrong thing to say.

 

It seemed that after years of good will toward each other, Lionel had finally succeeded on some level at pitting Lena and Lex against each other. In the past, it had been something of a joke for him. He always had liked to delight in dangling the possibility of Lex’s disinheritance to tease him. He’d joke that Lena would inherit the company instead. If she got a good mark in school or if Lex got a 98 instead of a 100 Lionel would cheerfully say “Who knows, Lex, you may be working for your sister one day.” Lex had always rolled his eyes at it before. But back then they’d both always known that that would never happen. It was just another way for him to try and drive a wedge between them.

 

When Lena was accepted as a summer intern to LuthorCorp’s R&D department, Lex raised a toast for her and congratulated her but she could see that the well wishes didn’t quite reach his eyes. He saw her as competition- something she’d never wanted to be. Lionel was happy with it. He’d always resented the thought that Lena might bond with Lex more closely than she’d bonded with him. And worried that they would be a bad influence on each other. He feared that Lex would turn Lena against him. Or that their alliance would make them uncontrollable.

 

Lionel had always at least been satisfied with the fact that Lillian hated Lena. He never had to worry about the two of them teaming up against him. He didn’t like that Lillian and Lex were so close.

 

When they’d both been children, Lillian had always been almost overbearingly affectionate with Lex. Lena had always thought she did it on purpose to flaunt her preference for him over her. When he’d been a teenager they’d become less close- Lillian had no patience for his disobedience, it bored her, and she didn’t like to exert herself by getting inbetween Lex and Lionel. Whenever the two fought she’d throw up her hands as if she’d had enough and retreat to another room to sip brandy and rub her temples as if it was a persistent annoyance.

 

But even if she acted that way, Lena guessed that Lillian had not approved of the way Lionel treated Lex. After all, when Lex had truly been a _child_ , many times she’d seen Lillian intervene on Lex’s behalf to spare him from Lionel’s rage. And perhaps putting him in that … _ward_ … had been too far for her. Lex and Lillian’s regained their former closeness when he graduated and began working for LuthorCorp.

 

Sometimes when Lena was being excluded from the conversation, she’d see the two of them joined at the hip on the other side of the room whispering to each other. Lionel would chuckle mirthlessly and call them “Alexander and Olympias.” He would joke “They’re plotting my downfall, no doubt.” But Lena knew that all of them knew better than to consider that just a joke.

 

And like Philip of Macedon, Lionel died fairly abruptly and too young, only a few years after making Lex part of the board of LuthorCorp.

 

Lena had been reserved around her father for years. She accepted any warmth he gave her but she did not go out of her way to be close to him. She did not think he was a good man. A distinction her childhood self couldn’t make, and she felt nostalgic for that simpler time. Though she wondered if as she got older, that distinction somehow came full circle and started to mean less again. When she saw him lying thin as a rail in the huge king bed, with an IV in his arm and wheezing with every breath, she could make no distinction between good or evil- she just felt pity.

 

Lillian was dutifully always at his side. Lex made excuses to have to be away at work- helping the company while it was in crisis after his father’s sudden illness. He would sleep at the office or come in late at night. He was cold and businesslike with Lionel. He always stayed a few feet away from the bed, as if he were repulsed by the sight of his illness.

 

Lena had been suspicious at the time. The three of them- the true Luthors one could say- had begun arguing amongst themselves. And when Lena entered the room they would all go quiet. But it was about LuthorCorp, she knew that.

 

The night Lionel died, Lena had been staying by his bedside. A nurse who had been hired to live in the mansion always stayed sitting by the door. Lionel’s hands were like bones with skin stretched over them, and they trembled. But he still held Lena’s hand loosely in his.

 

Lionel didn’t speak much, he struggled just to breathe. And he mostly slept. Lena wasn’t sure what time it was that Lillian told her, “Why don’t you go to your own room to sleep tonight. I can look after him.”

 

She’d been sleeping on a settee that was in the corner of the room for the past four nights. And she should have been more wary- of Lillian acting like she cared for her wellbeing. But she was tired and so she agreed and went down the hall to her bedroom. She fell asleep to the sounds of Lionel’s rasping breaths echoing rhythmically all the way down the corridor.

 

At midnight she woke up, or maybe she dreamt it, she thought she heard Lionel cry out. A fevered, terrified cry. And then it was silenced, cut off halfway. She rolled over in bed and looked at the clock. She was so tired, she’d barely been sleeping. Looking back she cursed herself for that. If she’d been able to rouse herself quicker, she could have known for sure.

 

But she wasn’t able to leap out of bed, she went slowly, rubbing her eyes, to the crack of light spilling out from the door. For some reason it seemed menacing to her, the closer she got and she began to walk slowly, careful to not make a sound. As she approached and reached her hand out to the doorknob, it flung itself open and Lillian stood in front of her. She looked disheveled, slightly out of breath, and her eyes were wide- unfocused on Lena.

 

“He’s gone.” She announced.

 

Lena didn’t process the information. She took in Lillian’s appearance and then looked past her, into the bedroom. Lex was there- when had he got there? He was standing over the bed staring down. At Lionel’s body. For it was just a body. Incredible, how different a corpse can look from a living person in so short a time. Where there was a person only seconds ago, now there was nothing but a carcass with glassy eyes, lips already fading in color- something horrifying, without a soul.

 

“What?” Lena heard herself whisper.

 

“He’s dead.” Lillian clarified.

 

Lena blinked twice and then shook her head slightly. “Wh… When? Where’s the nurse?”

  
The nurse was always supposed to be there. Even in the night- especially in the night when one of them might nod off.

 

“Just now. And she’s downstairs, what does it matter?” Lillian snapped impatiently. She passed a hand over her face, sighing. “I’m going to call the funeral director.” She walked past Lena.

 

Lena stood paralyzed in the hall for a few moments, staring at Lex who was staring at Lionel. She walked into the room and came to stand beside him. She touched his arm when he didn’t seem to notice her.

 

“How are you?” she asked quietly, searching his face. He didn’t look toward her but she saw his mouth twitch. The corners turning up slightly and then back down as if he was suppressing.

 

“Never better.” he said softly.

 

The funeral was so formal that Lena had no way to gauge Lex or Lillian’s feelings. Lillian cried but Lena thought she might be paranoid or biased to assume the tears were fake. Lex was cool and collected.

 

The next day a press conference was held that Lex would become the president of LuthorCorp and that the name would be changed to LexCorp.

 

Lena was uncertain how she should feel. She could say that Lionel was a monster for hurting his son, hate him. Be angry. She could take Lillian’s approach and act like it was Lex’s fault for upsetting him. Or she could choose to understand that people aren’t monsters, that Lionel wasn’t a saint but that no one was pure evil. He’d done many loving things for her that she would never forget. He’d also done many things which she would never forgive.

 

She didn’t think she’d have to feel that way again for a long time. That regret mixed with anger tangled up in loss that sat inside her chest heavy and coiling. Until Lex went mad. Then it was like she was losing him too.

 

And she had to wonder if she would ever be able to hate Lex the way she ought to. Or if in her mind he would always be a lanky teenage boy with a cocky grin who she’d looked up to, relied on, adored, pitied…

 

How could she not be frightened when the Luthor bloodline seemed as poisoned as everyone said it was. She didn’t want to be bad. But she needed to be herself. She didn’t think people bad overnight but maybe they did and maybe that was why sometimes she was scared to sleep. Scared of who she would wake up as.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is an autobiographical kin vent fic- I am Lex Luthor kin, not Lena Luthor kin. There is an unfinished sequel to this that is from Lex's point of view in the same universe that may get published in the future. 
> 
> As always I appreciate positive feedback/kudos/etc.


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